Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Follow-Up to Post....
So, needlesss to say Sunday, which is when I wrote my Number 14 Down Post, was a hard day. When Jay brought the kids home from Sunday School I was in bed crying, Katie came into the room and took one look at me and gave me a big hug and said, :You'll be ok mommy. Don't cry." She is such an old soul. She knew exactly what to say and she blew both Jay and I away. My precious Katie also reminds me of my grandma Krupa and I know she is looking down on me helping me through this. I have a lot of people rooting and praying for me and I will be ok.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Number 14 down!
I am so excited to say number 14 is done and I have ONE MORE TREATMENT this next week and then I will be done with Round 1! As usual, I didn't feel well afterwards, but the knoweldge that I only have to do this one more time is giving me strength. We met with the oncologist again this past week to get a check up (all good) get a flu shot (arm still hurts thanks to the ease with which I now bruise) and to discuss the next round. I will have a two week break, over which I was given the ok to enjoy a drink on my weekend away with Jay in Lake Geneva (so excited!) Seriously, I am so excited for a glass of champagne that it made my day. I think it is just because it is something that I used to regularily enjoy and it gives me a feeling of being normal again, if even it is only for one evening. Put my wig on, get dressed up, go to dinner with my husband, order a drink and maybe no one in the dining room will be none the wiser as to what is really going on in my life. I will just look like a normal 30 something out to dinner. Wouldn't that be nice.
Round 2 is going to be so much easier than this first round, or so I have been told. No daily injections, no daily medications. I will go on Thursdays to get a new chemo drug whose side effects are much milder, and most don't expereince any nausea, just fatigue. I think I can handle fatigue. This round is also shorter, 12 weeks. So, on November 11th I start Round 2.
I can't believe I have been through 14 weeks of chemo. I think about how much my life has changed since April, when I first found the lump and it makes me mad, angry and sad, but mostly sad. I am sad for many reasons, what this is doing to my kids and my husband is what hurts the most. I hurt for James the most, who is having the most trouble with this. It is so hard to explain this to a 5 year old, and so hard to help him get through this. He shouldn't have to hear these things, experience his mommy being sick and deal with his routine and life being turned upside down. I feel bad about what this is doing to Jay as well. He is working so hard to make his business a success and the last thing he needs is this mess. When he decided to start the business I pledged to handle home and make it easy for him to just focus on builidng a business 24/7. I have failed that miserably. Instead, I can see how hard it is for him to juggle his business as well as doing his best to take care of me and our kids. I know he will never complain about it, but I know it is not what he'd like to be doing right now. I am mad at myself for somehow not finding this sooner so I could spare my famiily some of this pain. If it didn't get so far, I wouldn't have to go through so much treatment, and then I wouldn't have turned my family's life upside down. It's just hard not to have any control over your life, and to know that even though there is an end in sight, and I will be ok, that this will always be a part of me. It will never really be over as there will be my body as a daily reminder of what I have been through, scans, tests and doctor appointments for the rest of my life. I will take all that if I could just know that things will eventually return to normal and most importantly, James and will be ok and I won't have scarred them permanently.
I'm trying my best to keep my life normal, do the normal things, but no matter how hard I try, I can't get through a whole week of my normal life. I fear that my life will never return to normal, and this new life will be normal. I don't want that.
Thanks for letting me vent- and thanks for being there for me. Support of my family and friends is what gets me through this, especially days like this when I am feeling down. I appreciate all the things that every one of you are doing to make this journey easier for me and my family. I thank God for famiily and friends like you.
Round 2 is going to be so much easier than this first round, or so I have been told. No daily injections, no daily medications. I will go on Thursdays to get a new chemo drug whose side effects are much milder, and most don't expereince any nausea, just fatigue. I think I can handle fatigue. This round is also shorter, 12 weeks. So, on November 11th I start Round 2.
I can't believe I have been through 14 weeks of chemo. I think about how much my life has changed since April, when I first found the lump and it makes me mad, angry and sad, but mostly sad. I am sad for many reasons, what this is doing to my kids and my husband is what hurts the most. I hurt for James the most, who is having the most trouble with this. It is so hard to explain this to a 5 year old, and so hard to help him get through this. He shouldn't have to hear these things, experience his mommy being sick and deal with his routine and life being turned upside down. I feel bad about what this is doing to Jay as well. He is working so hard to make his business a success and the last thing he needs is this mess. When he decided to start the business I pledged to handle home and make it easy for him to just focus on builidng a business 24/7. I have failed that miserably. Instead, I can see how hard it is for him to juggle his business as well as doing his best to take care of me and our kids. I know he will never complain about it, but I know it is not what he'd like to be doing right now. I am mad at myself for somehow not finding this sooner so I could spare my famiily some of this pain. If it didn't get so far, I wouldn't have to go through so much treatment, and then I wouldn't have turned my family's life upside down. It's just hard not to have any control over your life, and to know that even though there is an end in sight, and I will be ok, that this will always be a part of me. It will never really be over as there will be my body as a daily reminder of what I have been through, scans, tests and doctor appointments for the rest of my life. I will take all that if I could just know that things will eventually return to normal and most importantly, James and will be ok and I won't have scarred them permanently.
I'm trying my best to keep my life normal, do the normal things, but no matter how hard I try, I can't get through a whole week of my normal life. I fear that my life will never return to normal, and this new life will be normal. I don't want that.
Thanks for letting me vent- and thanks for being there for me. Support of my family and friends is what gets me through this, especially days like this when I am feeling down. I appreciate all the things that every one of you are doing to make this journey easier for me and my family. I thank God for famiily and friends like you.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Katie Reading...
Katie has many favorite books. I think that we need to bring a few new books into rotation because she is starting to read them back to me by memory. I shot these videos tonight after bath time.
The first one is Ten Little Fish by Audrey Wood. James and I also read this one over and over.
Next is Go Dog Go.
Enjoy!
Jay
The first one is Ten Little Fish by Audrey Wood. James and I also read this one over and over.
Next is Go Dog Go.
Enjoy!
Jay
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Number 13 down....
So treatment number 13 is done, and I am recovering from it. This week has been hard, as I have had a CAbi show every day this week, Monday throuh Friday. Taken some creative steps to meet those goals, creative med doses, help from another consultant, and of course my mom, and help from Jay in watching the kids. I'm paying for it today though. Tired, nauseous and achy. I hope I can pull it together as the kids are at James' soccer game right now and then my sister in law Tricia is picking them up and keeping them at her home for the rest of the weekend. Jay and I were hoping to go to the movies tonight. Also a big thank you to my brother who came over yesterday afternoon to relieve my mom and take care of both kids. Thank you Rob. I am looking forward to next week's appointment as we are meeting with the doctor to discuss the next phase and will be that much closer to number 15 and phase one being over. Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Something nice from Sue
A friend of mine in Oak Park has a mobile spa business that uses Arbonne products and is simply great! For Breast Cancer Awareness Month she is hosting a fundraiser for breast cancer research that also benefits me. Details below, thanks Sue for thinking of someone currently undergoing treatment and the future in hopes others won't have to endure this.
In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, get $5 off pedicures and $3 off manicures. 5% of all services and Arbonne products purchased in October will be donated to a dear friend Kari Harris, who is currently fighting breast cancer and 5% will be donated to Breast Cancer Research.
Applies to all purchases made by October 31, 2010 on http://www.facebook.com/l/1832ciC9XUMXH7F7mj1ywYYX7aw;www.spatreats2u.com and
Arbonne products purchased at http://www.facebook.com/l/1832cahARO7Dnv1WBpgELevSe2g;www.spatreats2u.myarbonne.com.
In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, get $5 off pedicures and $3 off manicures. 5% of all services and Arbonne products purchased in October will be donated to a dear friend Kari Harris, who is currently fighting breast cancer and 5% will be donated to Breast Cancer Research.
Applies to all purchases made by October 31, 2010 on http://www.facebook.com/l/1832ciC9XUMXH7F7mj1ywYYX7aw;www.spatreats2u.com and
Arbonne products purchased at http://www.facebook.com/l/1832cahARO7Dnv1WBpgELevSe2g;www.spatreats2u.myarbonne.com.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Cousin Playtime
Today Aunt Tricia came over with Brady and Beckett and the kids played and had fun together while Aunt Tricia tried on CAbi clothes. It was a nice visit and we welcome them back any time! The kids played nicely, as you can see by the pictures...
James and Brady playing blocks together
Katie and Beckett coloring nicely together...
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Number 12 Down
Happy to report that treatment 12 is OVER! 3 more to go. This was a rough one as I kind of lost it and started cryiong while she pushed my meds this week. Not hysterical crying at least, just tears rolling down my face. This new routine is getting to me and I felt so sick last week, that I just didn't want to repeat it again. I can't believe that it has been 4 months of this chemo routine. I feel so much guilt for the strain I am putting on my family. Everyone is sacrificing so much to help me, especially Jay and my mom. Sometimes it just feels like it will never end, but I know it will.
I am happy to report that this time I am feeling better than last week, thank God. My cold is finally ending, after 4 weeks, and the nausea is mild this time, so far that is.... Hoping to get to James' soccer game today and maybe do something fun tomorrow. One can hope.
We met with the oncologist this past Thursday before my chemo, we have another appointment with her in two weeks to discuss my next step with the 12 weeks of chemo. Looking forward to that meeting because that means that I am closer to being done and I am interested in hearing what the next step will entail. I am also looking forward to getting that schedule with the last chemo on it, 3 more weeks, then a glorious 2 week break.
I am happy to report that this time I am feeling better than last week, thank God. My cold is finally ending, after 4 weeks, and the nausea is mild this time, so far that is.... Hoping to get to James' soccer game today and maybe do something fun tomorrow. One can hope.
We met with the oncologist this past Thursday before my chemo, we have another appointment with her in two weeks to discuss my next step with the 12 weeks of chemo. Looking forward to that meeting because that means that I am closer to being done and I am interested in hearing what the next step will entail. I am also looking forward to getting that schedule with the last chemo on it, 3 more weeks, then a glorious 2 week break.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)