One year ago today I had my surgery. A very long, scary and tough road to travel with a long recovery. I am not going to rehash it, as the details are in the original posting which you can find in the archives of this blog. What I do want to write about is what I have learned and what it has taught me.
I felt prepared going into the surgery. Yet when I look back there was a lot I didn't know or didn't fully understand. Not that things weren't shared with me, or info wasn't there, I just didn't remember it, didn't believe it, or didn't think about it. The mind protects itself, and heals itself. After that surgery I was terrified as I knew I had a few more to go. Now, as time has gone on, I know that surgery is not fun, but it is the next hurdle I need to get over to recover and I am feeling better about it and know I can make it through it.
It taught me who I can count on, who loves me and who truly cares about me. From the family members who sat in the waiting room during my 8 hours of surgery, the friends and family that sent me flowers in the hospital, the cards and visits when I returned home, the family members that took James for a week so he wouldn't have to see me at my worst, the family that took care of Katie at home so she wouldn't have to be far from me, the meals that people cooked and to all the prayers that were said, I was continually amazed. And of course to the biggest supporter of all, my mother who stayed with me at the hospital from surgery prep to discharge she never left my side, came home and cared for me for 11 days, at all hours of the day, without a break because "that's what mothers do." jay and my dad were there a lot too during those first two weeks home, helping out and making things easier.
A year out from this has taught me also that time really will heal and although you can't imagine it when first confronted with it, there will come a time that you will wake up and your first thought is not about cancer. This past memorial day weekend we spent in mi with family, like we normally do. I realized that it was just last year that we were enjoying one last fun family weekend before this big life changing event was going to start. Part of me cannot believe that was only a year ago, and part of me marvels in what has occurred in a year. Part of me still struggles with this whole event, and part of me has moved on to a new normal and regained some of my old life.
This experience has taught me I am blessed. Blessed my cancer was discovered and treated at a time when it is possible to rid and heal my body from this disease. I am blessed that I have a good chance of moving on and continuing a long life. I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends and family that care for me, much more than I knew before this event. I am blessed with a new confidence that I never had before as I have learned that I can battle cancer, nothing else is as scary as that and I am strong, much stronger than I thought. I am blessed because I can be an example, an inspiration and a teacher to others. People can learn from me and my experiences and be more proactive about their health.
To those of you still reading this, I thank you. This journey is not yet complete, but I no longer feel like I am trapped in quicksand or hopelessly turned around and lost in a deep dark forest. Yes, I still stumble and fall, yes, I am still scared, yes, I am still in that forest, but the sun is starting to rise, I can see a little more clearly, and I've found a path that will lead me out. Soon I will break through and reappear and next year, on this date, I will marvel at how much my life has changed again in just a short year. God willing, this will just be another chapter in my long life story.
