Two Year Cancerversary is TODAY!

Two years ago today, it was confirmed what my heart already knew the moment I felt that lump: I had breast cancer.  I tried keeping a positive additiude, and made it through the mammograms, biopsies, and doctor appointments, but I could just tell by the looks on everyone's faces, and the feeling in my gut that it wan't good.  Still, I was not prepared for that Stage 3 diagnosis after surgery.  I am not going to relive that day, week, or process, but I will take another opportunity to thank those that were there for me in the first few moments of this journey: my very good friend and neighbor Alex, my husband, my parents, and my children.  I only have the words "Thank you" for them, as what they did, and continue to do for me, they do out of love, and they don't need anything greater than that in recognition.  (although if I could, I would give them the world).

Their love and support, spread and grew to family, friends, community members, acquantances and strangers.  The love and support I received in my battle can only be described as amazing and awe-inspiring.  I am truly grateful and humbled by the love and generosity of my fellow human beings. 

It is a year and 8 days since my beloved Grandma Kutlzer passed away.  I really miss her today.  I know she would be the very best person to talk to today, as she was a young survivor who lived a very long, healthy and poductive life after her first diagnosis in 1957 at the age of 27.  Her second diagnosis came at age 72 and she also survived that.  I think she could help me sort out this roller coaster of emotions that I feel, especially today.    I am so happy to be here, to be healthy with NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE (or NED as they call it).  But still, my heart aches.  It aches for what I've given up, for what my husband has lost, for what my children have lost, for the pain and fear I have put my family and friends through.  The aches and pains of every day life, menopause at 33 (hot flashes and 3 and 6 year olds do not go well together) the endless doctor appointments, the fear of reoccurence, the daily handful of pills I take.  Still, I will not give up the fight, or let it ruin my life, it is what it is and I just have to live it, love it and grow from it.  I am one of the lucky ones, as I know many who have lost thier battle with this terrible disease. 

It is often commented to me, espeically on days like today when a certain date plays a significant role in my cancer journey, that I am an ispiration to people and I have taught them so much.  Well, this has taught me so much, and if I could share anything outside of know your family history and be proactive in your health care, rather than follow what doctors or a panel of people that have never met you recommend... it would be some of the lessons written below.

So, in closing, I say THANK YOU to all of you reading this, as well as those important people that aren't reading this, for every thought, prayer, and action shown to me in this never ending journey.  It has not gone unnoticed by me.  I pray every day to be her for another, a cure for this awful disease, and strength to keep fighting.



IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle..
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later... Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's, more 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute; look at it and really see it; live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us..

Spring Break

Hi everyone!
It's been a while since I posted, but we just got back from a great Spring Break long weekend in the Wisconsin Dells with our good friends the Berry's.  It was so much fun.  A lot more fun than I thought it was going to be actually (the water park, not the company).  I highly recommend the Great Wolf Lodge.  The kids had a great time and there was lots of things to do there. 
Here's a video Jay put together from videos he took with his underwater camera.

http://youtu.be/DyxjfWTHCd8





Here's a video of my dancing queen getting down at the Saturday Night Dance Party....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxlA7dQ5h1g&list=UUDyv6Hj6Lt9wR7Yo2Bxxtug&index=1&feature=plcp

And of course, it's not a road trip unless you eat at the Cracker Barrel!

And look!  My hair is long enough to pull back into a "duck butt!"