Pink Warrior

This afternoon I have three appointments, one of which is with my oncologist.  Yesterday I had a PET scan and I will find out the results at today's apppointment.  I am praying they don't find it anywhere else.  I will also make a treatment plan today.  I will have a start date, and a plan of action and I WILL FIGHT and FIGHT HARD.  I will be a pink warrior and I need all of you to be in my army. 

Those of you that know me well, know I have always been a supporter of breast cancer research.  My checks are the pink ribbon checks, when I got married, our rsvp envelope stamps were the stamping out breast cancer stamps, I have walked the mother's day walk in Chicago, I have planned fundraisers for those battling breast cancer, I have donated money to breast cancer research, worn Ford pink warrior apparel for years, sponsered many walk for the cure participants and more.  I have done all this for two reasons: first the need for this to stop affecting so many families and the second, more importantly, to honor my grandmother.  My grandmother had breast cancer at 27 years old, she fought back with a radical mastectomy (in the 50's nonetheless) and 6 months of daily radiation.  She fought and gave up things that changed her life forever.  But she won! She is one of the most wonderful and important people in my life.  Growing up, her and I spent a lot of time together.  She was the most wonderful person and took me and my brother on the most wonderful outings.  Everything she did she did with love and enjoyment.  From making us hot chocolate in bed, planting her flowers, or taking us to the beach, she enjoyed every minute of life.  She taught me so many things, but the biggest is to enjoy life, and enjoy your family and friends and what is around you.  She indulged us, cherished us, taught us, but never coddled us.  She pushed us to do things we didn't want to do, encouraged us to play nicely when we weren't, and took the time to explain why we should or shouldn't be doing what we were currently doing. 

I didn't even know that my grandmother had breast cancer until I was almost a teenager.  When I look back at that now, I realize that she overcame something terrible, but she didn't let it define her.  Yes, it changed her life, yes, it made things she wanted in her life never able to occur, but she didn't stop living.  She fought, she won, and she moved on, but with a zest of life that she probably didn't have before.  The woman waterskiied, swam, rollerskated, played with her daughter and grandchildren in the park. Attended every milestone and everyday occasion of her daughters and grandchildren.  I watched her ride on my brother's go-kart and the back of his motorcycle, and I think there may have even be a ride on his jetski too.   She traveled, she had a wonderful, loving marriage, she worked, she volunteered, she cooked wonderful meals, she took time to read books, and when she was 72, she got breast cancer again.  She fought back again and again, came out on top.  The second time, I was scared, she was my wonderful grandmother, someone I couldn't imagine not having in my life, I sat in the waiting room while she had her second mastectomy, and I sat in her room after her surgery.  I think back to walking in that room, seeing her sitting up and asking for food.  She was hungry! I kept flashing back to that while I was in my recovery room, sick as a dog and in so much pain.  My grandmother is strong, and I am too.  She gave me that in the lessons she taught me in her daily words and actions, she got through this, and I will too.  I will fight, I will win and I won't let this define me. 

When I was first diagnosed I said to Jay, "I just want to raise my babies, take them to the park, take them swimming, feed them lunch and do the normal things mommies do with thier babies."  I realize now, no, I don't want to JUST do the normal things, I want to do the abnormal things too.  I want to teach them to take a chance, I don't take too many chances in life, but I think that will change now.  I want to teach them what a gift this life is, what good things God has given them, and to enjoy every minute of it and give back.  I want to continue giving back to my community, volunteering, helping, coordinating, paying it forward.  And I will.  I will just be delaying that for a year while I fight, and then I will be back, better than ever!