Baby Stuff...

I'm up to my eyeballs in baby stuff.  Surrounded by it.  I decided in an effort to clear out and downsize the as my mom puts it, "vast amount of stuff" we have in our possession, to sell all the baby stuff I was hanging on to in an upcoming resale in Oak Park.  It has brought back some good memories looking at all the baby clothes and items that James and Katie have outgrown.  It has been a bit bittersweet as well as I was hanging on to all this stuff in hopes of a third baby.  Although Jay and I weren't on the same page about three kids, that's another final decision cancer has made for us.  I don't like letting others make decisions for me (shocking I know you all are saying).  It didn't help that in the middle of tagging a big pile of baby clothes James comes in and declares, "What are you doing? We can't get rid of this stuff, it's for our next baby."  I explained to him that mommy's sickness made it not possible for me to have any more babies. His response, crying.  Just twist that knife in my heart kid.  It's hard to explain something so complex to someone so little.  He moped for a few days and I learned to tag the baby stuff once he's gone to bed or is out of the house.   I am fortunate that I have two beautiful children that bring me happiness every day.  When we found out Katie was a girl, I was so surprised.  I was sure she was another boy and I was thinking I'd have a girl third.  My parents had one of each and I guess I just hoped James would have a brother, and then a baby sister because it would fit his personality so well (and I had always wished for another sibling growing up).  Now I know why God gave me my precious princess second. And James has turned out to be a great big brother to a little sister.  If he had a brother there would defiantely be a few broken bones by now.  Be grateful for what you have.  Another lesson learned from cancer.